


To Lose It All

by bravelove



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Blackrock Chronicles, Flux Buddies, Get Lalna Real Coping Methods Please, Loss of Sanity, Sadism, Trauma, rambling thoughts, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 18:59:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19482028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravelove/pseuds/bravelove
Summary: Hey so like, what if Blackrock was after Flux Buddies?





	To Lose It All

Lalna was never the same after that fateful moment in Mother’s dimension, he wasn’t sure where The Doctor had dumped him to scold him, not that Lalna remembered anything really from this time, every moment from leaving that dimension was a blur, all he knew was eventually he found his way back to the others. He never let himself get close to them though, building a new base and locking himself away. The others tried to get close, to talk to him, to get him to at least acknowledge them more then mildly, none succeeded, Lalna didn’t want to risk getting attached again. He never tried to get back to the tower, Lalnable could live there for all he cared, better away from him then nearby anyways. Hopefully Tiddles had long since ran away from the maniac. **  
**

He knew Nano told him to be good, to be better then this, but he just couldn’t find it in him to care. It’s not like she could see, she was gone, poof, vanished, no respawn, someplace Lalna may never be allowed to reach, and with that fact in mind, it could be so hard to care. So he tinkered away, building and making mild pleasantries at Xephos who just wouldn’t leave him alone. He found himself quicker to violence, though it both sickened him, and intrigued him how little he cared anymore about the pain of others, he did his best to resist this sure, but sometimes the apathy would claw at his heart, and he’d go looking for a scrap to just feel something.

Soon his hands had him build that same weapon that killed Nano, and a faint wonderance past in his mind, would if he detonated, would his respawn fail? He couldn’t bring himself to test it, but he could never bring himself to take it out of his inventory either. So there it sat, before eventually the apathy clawed too much and he went out to look for a scrap, and saw Sjin. Everyone knew what happened next, the two got too heated, literally, fire burning all around. Lalna couldn’t stop, the adrenaline like wine to a dehydrated soul. It kept getting worse, explosions and death. He saw Rythian eyes wide in shock as one of Sjin's arrows plunged his throat, before another shot through his head, killing him instantly, he felt nothing to it. He saw Zoey take an arrow through the heart through the corner of his eye, and he felt nothing to it as well. 

And why should he care anyways? They’d just respawn, they’d be fine, no worse for wear, maybe a bit annoyed, but who cares about that. There was no real consequences for them dying, they wouldn’t suffer, wouldn’t truly die, so why would death matter? They’d still be here, like Nano should have been, but she wasn’t. Nano wouldn’t be proud, but she was gone, so why care about that either. He wished they would permanently die for a moment, so they could never realize the curse they were all under.

He set down the explosives and set them off, retreating back a bit, he wasn’t fully ready to die, natural aversions to that and all that. It unfortunately did not kill him, and soon he noticed Sjin in his base and he rushed to fix the damage, he wasn’t trying to blow up literally everything, fucking Sjin! He was too late though, and the world turned white, and he couldn’t stop the smile. 

Alas, he woke up all the same, a new world yes, but he knew it was just more of the same, he clutched the sapphire in his pocket tight as he couldn’t stop a few tears. He got back to work though, building up a castle, throwing himself into his machines. No one cared beyond a few dirty looks about the end of the past world, and why should they? Everything that mattered was fine, they were alive, unharmed, with infinite potential, instead of gone, lost, dead. Everyone still had there friends, and loved ones, the lucky bastards.

He isolated himself once more in his castle, he decided this time to craft it to remind him of the first base with Nano, to hopefully inspire some emotion as he kept to himself again. This time no one cared about this isolation, it seems they’d finally given up on him, and he grew further into apathy, he learned Rythian wanted revenge, he shrugged it off, okay whatever why should he care? Then he learned about Zoeya.

Then rage bubbled in his chest for the first time in months.

How DARE he do this, how dare he come to face him for revenge with an apprentice that FELL FROM THE SKY, with an apprentice with a CHEERFUL GO LUCKY ATTITUDE, an apprentice EAGER TO LEARN, an apprentice with UNIQUENESS and OPTIMISM, and still SASS. Really the only way Rythian could have made it worse is if he gave her a sapphire, he shuddered at the thought, hand clutching her sapphire again.

How dare he get revenge with someone that reminded him so much of Nano. Revenge he could ignore? But this? THIS?? This was an insult, a grave cruel insult! To rub it in his face that Rythian has what he lost, that Rythian could do it so much fucking better, what a joke, what a piece of shit! He threw himself into his research, fine, it had been too long since he felt anything anyways, and rage and sadism was something familiar. A part of him wondered if this is the kind of thing that created Lalnable, Lalna crushed those thoughts, no, he was better then that, he would always be better then that.

He ignored every warning, buried himself even more in his castle. Came up with the ingenious forcefield idea. Then he waited, and waited, but the first one at his door was not an angry mage, but a girl, so fiery for a second he saw Nano. He blinked it off though and gave her the warmest smile he could, he wished he could say something new bubbled in his chest, but they didn’t the now well known rage and sadism just souring more, as he thinks about what could have been as he pretended everything was alright for her. The dinosaur he just kinda, ignored for the most part, gave him the creeps.

He was surprised when he heard she and Rythian got into a spat though, ha, he’d never have thrown Nano out for being a technomage, really Rythian was terrible, an awful mentor, couldn’t even give his apprentice the attention and knowledge she clearly needs, and just LETS HER SUFFER and SLOWLY FADE, doing NOTHING TO STOP, because he's a COWARD. What a terrible mage, a terrible friend. Truly Zoey deserved better. Not that he’d really be a better choice, he could pretend, but he knew they’d end up crawling back together, it’s not like anything could keep him and Nano from each other for long. Even if Zoey deserved better.

He cheerfully dodged her interests and set about crafting a gun, a gun for a dinosaur, hm past Lalna would have been thrilled, the dinosaur also seemed a bit familiar but hey what does he know. He acted how he knew he was supposed to act, cheerful if a bit distrusting, he didn’t want to drive her away after all, she’d be safe in his castle, plus it’d rub it in Rythian’s face, oh the hate Rythian would feel at the thought that stupid flux mad scientist, the dangerous warped scientist who broke respawn, was doing a better job protecting her then he could, ha. 

He handed over his laser to her, that, he didn’t know why, he did never use it though, so he didn’t really think it over, it was, kinda nice talking to someone, but he knew it wouldn’t last, besides he preferred to be alone, alone was safer for everyone. It was almost easy to forget he was explaining things to a stranger, not to Nano as he talked about his forcefield, but he didn’t forget, he couldn’t forget. So he just kept playing his part. 

This went on for a few hours, but soon, his moment of true reckoning began, and Rythian had fallen into his forcefield trap. He hoped this would be short, that he could get Rythian away before he truly gave into his anger, his one mercy, Nano would be proud. That changed, though, when he started talking, and his anger grew into a full blown rage in his chest.

Retribution????? Justice????? What a laugh! Everyone was fine, no one lost anything real, nothing tangible, what Rythian were you upset that you lost a few pieces of wood?? Pathetic. He kept his cool though, nothing would be achieved if he lost his top, worst of all Rythian might just start pitying him instead, and augh he hated pity.

He bantered with him, shoved it off on Sjin, and he knew Rythian was buying it, buying his faux calm. He internally aughed as he kept going, if no one else cares Rythian, that means that maybe they understand things more, that maybe you’re just a mad man screaming about a loss of a base, that everyone’s long past. He couldn’t resist name-dropping Zoey.

Oh how Rythian’s face just fell, oh yes it felt good, a sadistic glee curling in his chest, the pain in his eyes. Rythian always thought his eyes were guarded but it was so easy to pry them open into pure emotion. Rythian truly did understand nothing about this world, about respawn, about being a mentor, and about love. He wasn’t even the one who killed him, Sjin did that.

He rubbed his face as Rythian just kept going on and on about murder, bullshit that was. Utter bullshit, he’d only murdered one person and that wasn’t Rythian that’s for sure, Rythian dared to equate his minor inconvenience of respawn to what happened to her? Bastard. Murder no one comes back from, murder permanetly erases people. If Rythian had been murdered, this conversation wouldn’t even be happening. 

Rythian hurled accusations of him, accusations of evil, of planned cruelty, of going down the same path, all from what? A force field designed to keep a clearly vengeance driven mage away? The fact he had a castle? Really at this point Lalna was pretty sure at this point everything he would ever do to Rythian, could easily be ruled self defense. He let himself smile, good, the nuke was already planted anyways, he got bored and it was too easy, sure he hadn’t armed it yet, it originally was supposed to be an empty threat but he could do that later. He brought it up, see how far enraged he could make this mage, a new project really, an experiment, and he was a scientist after all, sure it had been a bit, but he was.almost curious.

Smirking he went on and on about how he just needed insurance, that he can’t get rid of it, and loved the horror in his eyes, sure he couldn’t really feel emotions, hadn’t for what, a year now? Making others feel them though he found? Was pretty close of a substitute though, he liked that substitute, made him feel warmer, he poked fun at a mage fish take, and watched Rythian desperately try and make his way out, how silly, how fun, it felt good to have control, as he ignored Rythian’s edgy talk about trust.

Seeing Rythians face at the comment about him eating grass, he rushed in for the kill, talking about how he didn't know how he’d get Rythian food, not that food mattered either, a lack of food wouldn’t kill him, he knew that one personally, not eating would hinder you greatly, but alas, you’d live. Food was just one of many luxuries in this world, enjoying the horrified and sick look Rythian gave him, a face one would only make at one truly evil, that was wrong though, Rythian didn’t understand evil. Never met evil, he was just a child, a child whose mad his sandcastle got kicked, never felt true heartbreak, spoken to any truly rotten, he was just, too big for his britches. He wandered off, planning to return in a few hours, he hoped Rythian had noticed it was easy to shut off the forcefield, it was never meant to be permanent after all, like he said, talk, in safety of forcefield, that was all. 

He rubbed his face but couldn’t stop a mad grin when he found Rythian gone a few hours later, escaped, seemed he knew more about tech then he let on, good, it’d be too easy if he just let himself be caught forever, that’d be boring, no that’s not what he wanted. He’d make Rythian understand Retribution and Justice, he’d make him learn what it means to lose it all, what it means to truly feel pain and sorrow and loss. To truly understand. He felt so good reveling in Rythian's emotions, he wanted more! He wanted to truly be the scientist he knows he is and finally research into what breaks apart respawn, what sets a skeleton’s arrow apart from an explosion to kill Mother.

Alas poor Zoey though, she didn’t deserve what he was planning, to be in pain, to understand what he feels. This wasn’t about her though, and Nano didn’t deserve what Mother planned either. The fiery ones just always seemed to be the ones to burn out the fastest, what a shame, this story would not have no happy ending, his didn’t, and Rythian wasn’t allowed his either, and maybe it’d prompt the endermage to teleport him to hell.

Lalna couldn’t wait to find out what was going to happen next as he put on his favorite sapphire necklace.


End file.
